Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Thoughts

Post Number: 157
Review of Yesterday's Progress
     Daily PPV Used/Left: ?/? of 69 (Goal: 30/39) {Didn't track. Didn't eat well, either}
     Pedometer Reading: - {Didn't wear my pedometer}
     Meetings Attended: None Scheduled
     Exercise Completed: None Scheduled
     M-W's Word of the Day: Jingoism

Yesterday was a day of meditation. I spent much of the day lost in intentional thought. About all I managed to do is establish my current definitions of my problems. I created a list of selfish categories, such as anger and lust, and the list of misspent opportunities, like sleep and service, that have come to put me in a place that I do not want to be in but cannot seem, in an ultimate expression of selfishness, pull myself out of. And while I have those definitions established, I do not know if they are the correct description or merely my expression of the situation.

For the second time in as many weeks, I gave myself permission to take it easy today. And I feel better for the mental meditation but the eating was even worse at first. To pull myself out of the depths of self-imposed misery, I feel that the most important thing that I can do is set and maintain a descent schedule, starting with sleep.

Last night, it was too late to get to bed early. But I forced myself to rise to a schedule that I know is more conducive to my way of living appropriately.

Yours in the faith that will allow the work of restoring sanity to succeed,

Eliot

P.S.: What the poet/author has the tyrannical MacBeth say in a soliloquy to encourage the audience's sympathy ahead of the demise of his power and life.
She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28)
While the internet has made the opportunity for each of us to record our own tales of idiocy, as we sound off our fury, that signifies nothing to most others, each of us is allowed to achieve our own place on a stage Shakespeare couldn't have imagined. A stage that is bigger, grander, and wider. A place more personal, more educational, and more uplifting. All this and more is possible, if we use it toward that end. So that when the hereafter arrives, we will know for ourselves that our brief candle had either the chance to light the way of others in a spotlight of selfless service or to highlight ourselves in the flashlight of selfish pretentiousness. In the later, we shall fret. In the former, we shall be grateful.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Peaceful Failure

Post Number: 156
Review of Yesterday's Progress
     Daily PPV Used/Left: ?/? of 69 (Goal: 30/39) {Didn't track. Didn't eat well, either}
     Pedometer Reading: - {Didn't wear my pedometer}
     Meetings Attended: None Scheduled
     Exercise Completed: None Scheduled
     M-W's Word of the Day: Gritty

Peaceful day externally. Intractable day internally. I know I need to make changes. At the very least, I need to keep the small serving sizes satiating. I chose well on portions, poorly on options. Today doesn't bode well.

Yours in the hope that springs eternal,

Eliot

P.S.: Good things those springs are calorie free.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Deep Breath (Evaluation: Week 28)

I am posting this today so it has today's date-stamp. It is somewhat started.

Last Weigh In: Saturday, 8 March 2014

Weight Information -
  • Weight: 368.2 lbs
  • Weight Change:
    • This Week: +2.2 lbs
    • To Date: -85.0 lbs
  • Weight Gauge: Deep Breath
  • Body Mass Index: 57.7 (up from 57.3)
  • Daily PPV:
    • Assigned: 69 (unchanged)
    • Personal: 30 (unchanged)
  • PPV This Week: 
    • Used: 249 out of 414 {Didn't track Friday}
    • Not Used: 165 (39.9%)
Goals (Description / Evaluation) -
  • Chronological Goal: No longer obese in 2014 / Well on my way but the stall has been extended. Latest projections for leaving behind morbidly obese using:
    • The last 18 weeks of data: Between July 31, 2014 and August 8, 2014, an increase of 10 days
    • All 27 weeks of data: Between August 30, 2014 and September 11 2014, an increase of 5 days
  • Employment Goals
    • Make at least 5 networking contacts each week. / Terrible week at networking. Just didn't have any enthusiasm for it this last week.
    • Apply for at least 5 positions each week / Several leads this last week. Not enough follow through. Need to complete last week's leads and continue with new one.
  • Weight Watchers Awards this Week: None
  • Number Goals: Overall direction is exciting. Long-term quantity is thrilling. 
    • Weight: Next three hurdles are as follows
      • 20% Weight Loss at 362.4 lbs / 5.8 lbs away
      • 100 Pounds Lost at 353.2 lbs / 15.0 lbs away
      • Transition off of Kimkins at 350.0 lbs / 16.0 lbs away - Left his mentally awhile ago
      • 25% Weight Loss at 362.4 lbs / 28.4 lbs away
    • BMI: Reach a value below 40.0 (morbidly obese) / 17.7 away
    • PPV Not Used this Week: 287 PPV / 249 PPV - Consumed 32 points more than the goal. And that was in six days of tracking. And I gained weight.
  • Feel Good Goal: Consistent practice of my meditation and relaxation techniques / Meditation was non-existent, as was research on meditation and relaxation techniques. Still haven't tried the relaxation audio files I downloaded. This one needs attention. But then, so does my sleep/
  • Physical Goals: 
    • Walk upright up the stairs of my house every time using the railing only for precaution. / I still need to mountaineer my way up the stairs. Later in the week, I was climbing rather slowly.
    • Tie my shoes unassisted anywhere. / I cannot tie my shoes without physical aids but it is getting easier. I didn't need any personalized assistance this week.
    • Take a bath in my bathtub. / My bathtub is big enough, but I cannot get into or out of it when it's dry without painful exertion. This would negate any lasting value to the bath. Don't want to try to get out when wet yet.
  • Exercise without the Gym: Locate workouts options that don't involve a gym. Check out a couple DVDs from the library. / The biggest loser DVD looks like the right sort of work out except that it left my ankles in too much pain that didn't ease up by the end of the week..
    • Weight Watchers:
      • Use the paper tracker to record calculated points every day this week. / I have tracked for 20 weeks. I only missed two days: Yesterday and Christmas. Go me!
      • Kept available PPV at 30 for my daily points instead of 69 as assigned by WW. / I am hoping for a more stable week in my food selection this week by turning to Simply Filling or similar ideas from Weight Watchers..
      • Avoid using 49 weekly points. Daily points leave 39 available every day. That's 273 leftover points available per week. / Nailed it!
      • Attend two meetings this week. Scheduled for Wednesday and Saturday. / This goal will be going away next week because Saturday is the last meeting I will be attending for quite awhile.
    • Overeaters Anonymous: 
      • Attend two meetings this week. Scheduled for Tuesday and Thursday. / Went to Monday instead of Tuesday. Went to Thursday. I will be exchanging the Monday night meeting for the Tuesday afternoon meeting because Asian Red Fox starts a new job this week.
      • Perform moral inventory for Step 4. / Didn't work on this one. Want to read more, write more, and explore more.
    • Never Ceases to Amuse Me Blog: Journal 300 out of 365 days. / Journaled 67 of 67 days so far this year.
    • Reading Materials - Self-assigned reading assignments
      • What Color is Your Parachute? - Read this week / Didn't read anything. This doesn't help matters.
      • Start Strong. Finish Strong. - Read Chapter 5 / Didn't read anything.
      • AA Big Book - Read Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 of the AA Big Book. / Didn't read anything.
      • Some books I want to read soon but don't have time but want to read right now:
        • WW Find Your Fingerprint
        • The Doctor is In
        • Good Calories. Bad Calories.
    • Hot Button Review: None of these are working right now. This needs attention if I am going to continue using it.
      • Mental-Function - Didn't work well to motivate me at all this week.
      • Spiritual - Spent more time in fear than prayer. This one should have been my strongest, not my weakest.
      • Numbers-Game - Blood pressure is wandering, as expected, but not into over dangerous territory. This hot button didn't motivate me.
    • Sticky Notes
      • Be active for 5 minutes out of every sedentary hour
      • Put down the fork and sip water between bites
      • Eat more veggies
      • Review Your Blog! What happened to your motivations?
      • Get to Bed!
    Not a good week. But it's only one week. This can be turned around. This must be turned around. The question is how can it be turned around. The unlimited freedom to eat has shown that I enjoy eating, all the wrong things. But it's also shown that the only part of the program that working is portion control. And that will slip away without becoming strict once again in the food selection and portion control. There are two initial ideas that come to mind: Track aggressively or switch to Simply Filling. While I have been tracking, except for the last two days, I need to track ahead of eating. And when I track, I need to use that number running balance to motivate my food selection as it has in the past. Or, as an alternate to tracking, only consume Weight Watchers Power Foods. This is known as Simply Filling, which is taken another step into Simple Start. Your assigned points are ignored under Simply Filling so long as you eat only power foods. Only those foods that aren't power foods are tracked and are based on the 49 weekly points everyone receives. In anticipation of this change in food selection philosophy, I have created a list of all of the power foods listed in the Weight Watchers guide. I will be prayerful

    <!--- UPDATED TO HERE -->
    Looking Forward:
    • Keep the job search going strong and the networking stronger.
    • Look for causes in loss of motivation.
    • GET ON PROGRAM with Weight Watchers, especially keeping the daily points consumed to a daily maximum of 30 PPV.
    • Avoid the temptation of high carb nibbles into my week except for Saturday.
    • Get on track with gym-less exercise.
    • Attend all meetings. Don't schedule things before them. Review calendar every morning. Listen to alarms and reminders and follow through on them.
    • Hold onto the joyful feelings of this day to get me through the the times of lesser success in weight loss, the trudging through job searching, and other complications life is throwing my way.
    IVCUFI:
    IV - I have found the way of
    CU - I have seized the road by
    FI - I am enjoying the journey by


    Post Number: 155
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: ?/? of 69 (Goal: 30/39) {Didn't track. Didn't eat well, either}
         Pedometer Reading: - {Didn't wear my pedometer}
         Meetings Attended: Weight Watchers
         Exercise Completed: None Scheduled
         Page Views to Date: 2050 (Increased by 71 Page Views This Week)

    Yours ,

    Eliot

    P.S.:



    NOTES
    Weight Watchers, 8 March 2014
    Last Week:

    This Week:

    Next Week: 

    Saturday, March 8, 2014

    Slip Slidding Away

    Post Number: 154
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: ?/? of 69 (Goal: 30/39) {Didn't track or want to}
         Pedometer Reading: 5837
         Meetings Attended: None Scheduled
         Exercise Completed: None

    I haven't been sleeping well, eating well, or tracking well. Yesterday, I just plain gave up. I kept portions small, but for too much of the day, the eating was of completely the wrong things. And what makes this even a little more upsetting is the fact that it's only the food selection that was bad this week, not the point totals. I left at least 20 points available at the end of every day. Now I am going to face the consequences of those food choices. Even though I have no actual quantitative data to go on, I expect I gained 5 to 6 pounds this week. While I am not the least bit excited about today, I need to turn this around. Somewhere, there is some fight in me that can turn this around.

    Time to face music. I hope it's Rocky's Theme.

    Yours in the certainty that this can be reversed,

    Eliot

    P.S.: When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state. (Sonnet 29)

    Friday, March 7, 2014

    I Do Believe My Hunger is Being Froward

    Post Number: 153
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: 38/31 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
         Pedometer Reading: 5019
         Meetings Attended: Overeaters Anonymous
         Exercise Completed: None
         M-W's Word of the DayFroward {This is not a misspelling}
         {Don't use this word in reference to your kids in spite of the extreme temptation to do so.}

    I have mixed feelings about today. I feel like I am gaining weight. I have a scale but haven't confirmed whether I have gained weight. Some of the good points were the small portions (not enough spaghetti to cover a 4 inch plate), the extended time to eat high calorie items (nearly 2 hours for one small bag of chips), the leaving off of some ingredients (like the tortillas in our breakfast burritos), and other back-patting worthy events I can point to. But what makes it mixed is the concern that I may be looking for those things to call successes. Am I searching for these success all the while putting nearly 1 tablespoon of butter on a large serving of green beans and a full tablespoon of sour cream on my breakfast burrito? While eating chocolate candy and potato chips in the same day, am I seeking to placate my jittery emotions?

    I will know tomorrow how I am doing. Tomorrow is weigh in at Weight Watchers. The added pounds will be rough. And, sadly, the beginning of the end will be even more difficult.

    But instead of focusing on that, I want to focus on the end of the beginning in my exercise. I need to find something. The Biggest Loser attempt still has my ankles screaming. But I must attempt something. Today, it is Functional Fitness. Except for the pain, having all of the kids join me in the exercising was quite enjoyable.

    Hopefully, those feelings of joy will carry my through the job searching. I have not yet completed the job applications for the positions I found this week. And I sometimes wonder if this is a negative influence in my emotional well-being that is leading to the poor eating habits. Money is getting tighter and tighter while Horse's wedding is drawing closer and closer.

    These and other emotional influences, positive and negative, need to be explored through prayer, meditation, exploration, and journaling.

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!

    Eliot

    P.S.: Prepare and prevent, don't repair and repent.

    Thursday, March 6, 2014

    Turn Around, Bright Eyes

    Post Number: 152
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: 40/29 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
         Pedometer Reading: 2752
         Meetings Attended: Missed Weight Watchers
         Exercise Completed: None
         M-W's Word of the DaySoothsayer

    Most of the day was spent in seeking out jobs to apply for. I found some that were right down my alley. I found more that were only a little way off. I worked on these for quite awhile. But then around 4 pm, I switched over to playing an SNES Emulator that I recently downloaded. I enjoyed the opportunity to veg. Now, if I had eaten more veggies, I would have had a better day. But there were several successes. I have a chocolate stash that has been building for the last several months. All of the chocolate has been given to me. I only ate a few small pieces off of one of the bars. I made a grilled meat and cheese sandwich and ate only half. The other half going to my daughter. While I did eat more quantity than was comfortable a couple times. I did stop eating at the point of discomfort rather than continuing one to feeling indigestion like I did yesterday. The two hardest parts of my food selection right now are (1) picking the healthier options {ETNTM has been weakened} and (2) tracking as I go. I have had the most difficult time tracking these last couple days. Most of my tracking is no longer occurring as I eat but well after I eat. This means I need to rely on my memory. And I wonder if I am my recorded points are lower than reality.

    Part of that reality is that I still have great hope. I have come down 87 pounds already. I am most fearful of how much weight I will put on until I manage to refocus my efforts. And without the support group at Weight Watchers, it will be difficult. Relying on OA provides a different support system, but the only one I will have left outside of the family. The distinction for me is that Weight Watchers is the mental, intellectual, and emotional support. OA is the spiritual and emotional support. In spite of this counterproductive fear and loss of the one channel of support, I am still hopeful that progress, in the long-term, will absolutely be achieved. We shall see.

    And now I must see to my day. I located several jobs to apply for. I started tailoring the resumes. Now I need to get them finished and out the proverbial door. And after those applications for the direct hit and nearly direct hits to my experience are completed, I need to locate the subsistence positions. I need to locate something. I need to turn around my economical and physical situations.

    Turn around, bright eyes. . .

    Yours in the hope of the successes of today leading to the greater joys of tomorrow,

    Eliot

    P.S.:
    A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
    His beak can hold more than his belly can.
    He can hold in his beak
    Enough food for a week!
    But I’ll be darned if I know how the hellican.

    She smiled the day that I met her
    And had eyes that said 'love' with four letters
    And she carried the day
    As I thought of the way
    I'd done worse but I've never had better

    Source: Clean Limericks

    I don't know where this one comes from. I should Google it to see if I can find a definitive source -

    A limerick packs jokes anatomical
    Into space that is quite economical.
    But good ones I've seen,
    So seldom are clean,
    And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

    And a quick turn of my hand at the art form -

    This man be praised from Virginia
    Whose wife asked, "Would you please thin ya?"
    His weight knew some ups
    More downs pleased the grups
    And so he worked to contin-ya

    Okay, it needs some help. Let's call it a work in progress. . .

    Wednesday, March 5, 2014

    Closing the Door on One Failure. Seeking the Door of the Next Success.

    Post Number: 151
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: 47/22 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
         KimKins Refocus: Day 3 of 3
         Pedometer Reading: 3097 (paused)
         Meetings Attended: Attended Overeaters Anonymous Previously
         Exercise Completed: None
         M-W's Word of the DayDisinterested

    Three strikes and I'm out. My three-day effort at LCLF eating was miserable. This made for a tough day, especially after eating so many points. What made it even tougher was having to cancel my subscription to Weight Watchers. Once again, the day started pretty good, continued fairly well, but then snacking set in, even while making dinner. Yes, there are BLTN's of the ingredients while cooking. BLTN's are a part of the eating and tracking processes. But I was eating pretzels with cheese. The cheese was an ingredient for dinner; the pretzels were not.

    While I was eating dinner, feeling sick because I ate too much, I kept reviewing my thoughts and actions. I need to retain this sensation of feeling sick from eating this much food. This means I need to have the thoughts and actions that will encourage remaining on the course. And what have I learned from the last three days about retaining those thoughts and actions?

    I will miss Weight Watchers. But I don't think it's loss is triggering this eating splurge.

    LCLF is not the option of right now. While I enjoy the simplicity of LCLF, I'm easily thrown off course of late. And event the point expense of high carb items didn't deter me. 5 PPV for a small granola bar. This is an example symptom.

    And I need to learn why I am snacking, making poor food choices, and barely maintaining reasonable serving sizes.

    I need to clean out my drawer of LCLF foods. If I am going to head off of LCLF, my drawer in the fridge with my foods set aside, I need to eat out the LCLF foods and start filling it with low point foods.

    I need to get to bed sooner. That will be easy for the next several days after only about 4 hours of sleep two nights ago.

    Yours in the potential of the new success,

    Eliot

    P.S.:
    P - Please
    O - Observe
    S - Some
    T - Thoughts:
    S - Simple
    C - Cryptic
    R - Rhetorical
    I - Intelligent
    P - Powerful
    T - Thought-provoking
    P.P.S.: How about that Putin? Unraveling my previous rant with a few simple well chosen words on his troops going home. Oh well.

    Tuesday, March 4, 2014

    A Day to Endure Another Argh!

    Post Number: 150
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: 43/26 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
         KimKins Refocus: Day 2 of 3
         Pedometer Reading: - {Located after toddler's involvement. Setup. Strapped on today}
         Meetings Attended: Attended OA in anticipation of scheduling conflict tomorrow
         Exercise Completed: At the Home -
              10 Minutes Carido Level 1
              Biggest Loser DVD
         M-W's Word of the DayMagnum Opus
         My hope is that, one day decades from now, I will consider my magnum opus to be the love my family still shares with each other.

    Fairly good day point-wise until the last point in the day. I had eaten 31 of 30 points. More nibbling than originally intended on foods that are definitely not LCLF. But things were still pretty okay. And then I had three pieces of pizza. It was quite late at night. I hadn't eaten anything except a small salad in the last 8 hours. Late time of the day. Quite hungry. Bad choice. Today is the last day of the LCLF refocus. Let's see how we do today.

    Something else I am going to do today is try a different DVD. The Biggest Loser DVD was great, but my ankles and knees took a beating. My left ankle was particularly traumatized by the exercise. Normally I can use it after a few minutes of discomfort if I have been sitting, reclining, or lying down for more than 20-30 minutes. After yesterday's exercise attempt, I was limping for 20-30 minutes after taking my weight off of my ankles for only a short time. The DVD included two people in the group of people exercising that were doing a simplified version of the specific moves. I was following them. I still ended up hurting. Maybe I will see if someone in my circle of acquaintances owns a bicycle machine that they wouldn't mind me using. As it is, The Biggest Loser DVD is probably not going to fit my life with options for another 100 pounds or so. On to the next DVD.

    And on to the rest of today.

    Yours in the anticipation that hope brings about the return of happy success,

    Eliot

    P.S.:
    A Single Historical Perspective on Current Ukrainian Events
    An Essay of 4 AM Proportions. Please forgive me

    How about those Russians, eh? Warship in Cuba. Troops in Crimea. Ukraine Navy blockaded. Ukraine Army bases surrounded. Open support from the Ukrainian populace.

    Several articles I read referred to the event as a return to the Cold War by using phrases such as Cold War Redux. These articles used the phrase even before Secretary Kerry used it. But I'm glad he did. Let's get people thinking. Me personally, I am thinking Russia's actions are more along the line of the Anschluss. Austria and Germany had been trying to merge for decades but political pressure prevented them. Nazi Germany openly annexed Austria. Austrians welcomed Hitler. Rather like the open support mentioned previously.

    I'm not going to make many predictions; I am going to do more observing and recording. I remember the last half of the Cold War. I remember how painful Russia's transition to democracy was. I've seen the Russian nationalist fervor return attitudes to something that better resembles the Cold War Russian militaristic structure I remember. Russia has grown from the experience of the last couple decades. Russia isn't standing quite so alone. With powerful allies in Iran (oil) and China (production), I am going to be paying careful attention. I do make one additional prediction. Whether it fades quickly (which I doubt), quietly simmers (which I suspect), or expands into world-wide attention (not conflict, at least, not yet), this event will be drawing words in the next US presidential election.

    And while we are back to American politics, let's not forget the Defense Department cut-backs that were proposed a short time ago. Curious timing, Socchi Olympics ends, Russian Army in Ukraine, and US Defense reduction in spending. To borrow from the era immediately post-Cold War, "Things that make you go hmmm." Is Putin getting kick backs from US military contractors? Are the proposed military cutbacks just one of a string of events emboldening Putin? Actually, I don't believe either of these is the case. Putin has his own agenda that will place him well among the actively bold and fiercely patriotic Russian leaders, each of whom had his own nationalistic intentions.

    And as long as we're discussing money, let's be sure to add in the debt ceiling being raised. That debt is in some creditor's hands. And whose hands are those? And let's mention the increase in use of the Chinese Yuan in international transactions over the American Dollar. And we can throw a little more confusion into the issue since China and Russia are allies and are two of the permanent members of the UN security council. Granted France, the UK, and the US are the other three permanent members. But with France and the UK siding less frequently with the US in the not-so-distant past when it comes to interpretation of international crises, the UN will also bear some watching. This watching is especially necessary with the UK calling Ukraine's sovereignty a paramount concern, much like the US. Now if Germany were on the same page, we could harken back to the days of President Reagan, PM Thatcher, and Chancellor Kohl. Then maybe there really would be a Cold War Redux. But Obama isn't the military wielding cowboy Reagan was. You won't catch PM Cameron dancing with Obama, musically or philosophically. And Chancellor Merkel is neither on the same page with the US/UK plan of action nor likely to be politically cozy with Mitterrand's modern counterpart, Hollande. Kohl and Mitterrand's work could be considered a prelude to the creation of the European Union. That same union that has Germany footing many of the EU's bailout bills that France is no longer interested in monetarily assisting.

    And what will all of this watching get me? The more I examine this series of events, the less it looks like the Cold War. And the more it looks like a new war. I am looking forward to several events that will presage events I await. To this point, I haven't brought in my religion, but here it comes. There are certain spectacular and seminal events recorded in the Bible that has me awaiting their advent. Egypt will "swear to the Lord of hosts" (Isaiah 19:18-25). The temple will be rebuilt in Jerusalem. And there are others. And what does this have to do with Russia and China? Current Arab nations, in my opinion, do not have the man power to pull off the destructive events described in the Bible. I don't think the Arab nations have much beyond the religious fervor to attempt those events. But with Russia and China's combined manpower, firepower, and access to resources, there is something to be considered in light of the scope of those prophesies of Biblical proportions.

    But those are the predictions in the extremes of time. An example of this would be that I predict the trap of tolerance will be laid as a pitfall for enough believers to pull them away from their faith at a critical juncture in their lives and our culture. The tolerance trap being the modern belief of tolerating the person means tolerating their behavior when God asks us to separate them by liking the sinner but disliking the sin. I firmly believe that God expects me to love everyone for what they are (Children of a Heavenly Father), not for what they do (same gender interacting, toking, etc.). But enough of distant predictions such as the world getting better at calling good evil and evil good.

    In the near future, I predict I will finally go to bed and get a few short hours of sleep made more dire by Quail's presence in my bed already. I predict I will get a job and start to dig myself out of the hole I am in. I predict I will spend much time reading and pondering the world's current events. And like most people, I will probably miss the significance of it until well after the consequences of the event are apparent. That is okay. I will still watch and ponder, observe and ruminate. Something I first started doing while watching Secretary of State George Shultz perform on the world stage. I look forward to seeing Secretary Kerry and others perform on the world stage these days. It gives me something to work to understand. And in that understanding, I make more of the world I love a deeper part of me.

    How about those Russians, eh?

    P.P.S.: Some quotes by George Shultz

    P.P.P.S.: IF you have made it this far, you deserve something humorous for getting past my impromptu mid-night rant, er, I mean essay. Things you don't see everyday

    P.P.P.P.S.: Friends don't let friends pull (near) all-nighters and blog.

    Monday, March 3, 2014

    Food Selection ReFocus

    Post Number: 149
    Review of Yesterday's Progress
         Daily PPV Used/Left: 44/25 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
         KimKins Refocus: Day 1 of 3
         Pedometer Reading: - {Replaced but not set up. It is MIA after confronting a toddler}
         Meetings Attended: None Scheduled
         Exercise Completed: None Scheduled
         M-W's Word of the DayDecoct

    I started the day with a simple idea where my food was concerned. I am going to refocus my food selection efforts on Kimkins for just three days. After that three days, I will evaluate how well I am doing in terms of the ease of the process and how my body feels. If I can truly refocus for three days, I might be able to stretch it into four or five. If I cannot focus for three days, then I need to evaluate what successes I had and redesign my food selection around those.

    With that in mind, how did I do on Day 1 of my Kimkins Refocus? Horrible. Stupendous failure. But at least I was paying attention to what was going on as I went down in flames. Breakfast was great. Missed lunch. Early dinner. I did have one small sandwich cookie at church. I don't think that was a problem. But when I was home, getting the ingredients out for dinner, I nibbled on pieces of cookies and some pretzels. That was the beginning of the end. Because I reached the point where half a bagel didn't seem to make matter worse.

    To make matters better, my goal for today is to make sure that there is no initial goof. Again, the one solo cookie I don't believe was an issue. The launch of a series of nibbles was a problem. A piece of chocolate chip cookie broken off of the round edge to create a near-crescent about an inch and a half long. But that was in the midst of a dozen pretzels. I couldn't stop there so I gave up. That's when I ate the half bagel. I cannot give up. And I cannot start down that path. With that in mind, I am going to observe tomorrow while working to achieve the restoration of sublime levels of success.

    Yours in the need for restoring success with updated motivations and strengthened focus,

    Eliot

    P.S.:

    Sunday, March 2, 2014

    Week of Worried Whining Wasted - Wow (Evaluation: Week 27)

    Last Weigh In: Saturday, 1 March 2014

    Weight Information -
    • Weight: 366.0 lbs
    • Weight Change:
      • This Week: -0.6 lbs
      • To Date: -87.2 lbs
    • Weight Gauge: What?!?!?!?
    • Body Mass Index: 57.3 (down from 57.4)
    • Daily PPV:
      • Assigned: 69 (unchanged)
      • Personal: 30 (unchanged)
    • PPV This Week: 
      • Used: 238 out of 483
      • Not Used: 245 (50.7%)
    Goals (Description / Evaluation) -
    • Chronological Goal: No longer obese in 2014 / Well on my way but stalling. When both projections increase, it's not a good sign. Latest projections for leaving behind morbidly obese using:
      • The last 17 weeks of data: Between July 22, 2014 and July 27, 2014, an increase of 7 days
      • All 26 weeks of data: Between August 24, 2014 and September 6, 2014, an increase of 3 days
    • Employment Goals
      • Make at least 5 networking contacts each week. / Terrible week at networking. Found a couple leads on my own.
      • Apply for at least 5 positions each week / Still hunting with a little pecking. Didn't hit this one this week.
    • Weight Watchers Awards this Week: Bravo -  for getting to the Y five times this week at 5 am in spite of the rough week.
    • Number Goals: Overall direction is exciting. Long-term quantity is thrilling. Weigh-in this week was wonderful. 
      • Weight: Next three hurdles are as follows
        • 20% Weight Loss at 362.4 lbs / 3.6 lbs away
        • 100 Pounds Lost at 353.2 lbs / 12.8 lbs away
        • Transition off of Kimkins at 350.0 lbs / 16.0 lbs away - Needs reviewed
      • BMI: Reach a value below 40.0 (morbidly obese) / 17.3 away
      • PPV Not Used this Week: 287 PPV / 245 PPV - Consumed 28 points more than the goal. This may be rather telling.
    • Waist Goal: Lose another available hole in the belt until I need to switch to a new belt.Belt  was at 1 available hole briefly. Then it went back to 2. But I have given away my belt along with a pair of pants and pair of suspenders. A family member, on behalf of another family member, asked for the assistance. The motivation behind the request was too important for me to pass up. This goal is going to be considered met. And the goal of wrapping the belt around me twice is going to be dropped, since I don't have the belt.
    • Feel Good Goal: Consistent practice of my meditation and relaxation techniques / Meditation was non-existent, as was research on meditation and relaxation techniques. Still haven't tried the relaxation audio files I downloaded.
    • Physical Goals: 
      • Walk upright up the stairs of my house every time using the railing only for precaution. / I still need to mountaineer my way up the stairs. Later in the week, I was climbing rather slowly.
      • Tie my shoes unassisted anywhere. / I cannot tie my shoes without physical aids but it is getting easier. I didn't need any personalized assistance this week.
      • Take a bath in my bathtub. / My bathtub is big enough, but I cannot get into or out of it when it's dry without painful exertion. This would negate any lasting value to the bath. Don't want to try to get out when wet yet.
    • The Y: Swim laps four days next week. Use the recumbent elliptical machine ahead of swimming. I am going to set my alarm for 5 am for next week.Tough week, knowing it was my last week. This goal is considered complete until such time as I can afford a gym, especially a gym with a pool.
    • Alternative to the Y: I need to research further for options.Because of the price ($20/month) and the slightly closer location than the Y (Eagle and Fairview) that includes a pool, I am leaning towards joining Axiom. This goal is going to be considered completed until such time as I can afford a gym.
    • Exercise without the Gym: Locate workouts options that don't involve a gym. Check out a couple DVDs from the library. / I didn't explore this at all this week. This will be the only option after next week. I need use the DVDs I checked out from the library. Also need to explore the DVDs my mom purchased for me.
      • Weight Watchers:
        • Use the paper tracker to record calculated points every day this week. / I have tracked for 19 weeks. I only missed one day: Christmas. Go me!
        • Kept available PPV at 30 for my daily points instead of 69 as assigned by WW. / I am hoping for a more stable week in my food selection.
        • Avoid using 49 weekly points. Daily points leave 39 available every day. That's 273 leftover points available per week. / Nailed it!
        • Attend two meetings this week. Scheduled for Wednesday and Saturday. / Missed Wednesday. Wednesday is frequently a problem. No more scheduling visits or activities anywhere near Wednesday's meeting. And while I didn't schedule anything over this meeting, life did. Since this is a recurring theme. I may need to switch days. Added additional alarms and calendar reminders to assist in getting to this meeting.
      • Overeaters Anonymous: 
        • Attend two meetings this week. Scheduled for Tuesday and Thursday. / Didn't reach any this week. And this would have been a good week to reach them. Need to succeed this week.
        • Perform moral inventory for Step 4. / Didn't work on this one. Want to read more, write more, and explore more.
      • Never Ceases to Amuse Me Blog: Journal 300 out of 365 days. / Journaled 60 of 60 days so far this year.
      • Reading Materials - Self-assigned reading assignments
        • What Color is Your Parachute? - Read this week / Didn't read anything. This doesn't help matters.
        • This is How to Get Your Next Job - Read this week / Didn't read this at all this week. Setting this goal aside. I will return when heading into an interview. Prior book is more important in getting the interview.
        • Start Strong. Finish Strong. - Read Chapter 4 / Read much of Chapter 5, still reading while working out.
        • AA Big Book - Read Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 of the AA Big Book. / Read more of Chapter 5.
        • Some books I want to read soon but don't have time but want to read right now:
          • WW Find Your Fingerprint
          • The Doctor is In
          • Good Calories. Bad Calories.
      • Hot Button Review: None of these are working right now. This needs attention if I am going to continue using it.
        • Mental-Function - Didn't work well to motivate me at all this week.
        • Spiritual - Spent more time in fear than prayer. This one should have been my strongest, not my weakest.
        • Numbers-Game - Blood pressure is wandering, as expected, but not into over dangerous territory. This hot button didn't motivate me.
      • Sticky Notes
        • Be active for 5 minutes out of every sedentary hour
        • Put down the fork and sip water between bites
        • Eat more veggies
        • Review Your Blog! What happened to your motivations?
        • No high carb nibbling. Kimkins separation in T-minus 16 pounds.
        • Get to Bed!
      Additional Motivations -

      • Lifetime Motivation: I am losing weight so I can live, laugh, learn, and love longer at my wife's side. / I don't know that I have the living, laughing, learning, and loving working as well as before. It may be showing up in my latest eating habits. But I don't know which is the cause and which is the effect. I need to make those changes that will produce the longer part of the goal and make them permanent.
      • Long-term Motivation: I am losing weight and maintaining it over the course of years so that I can...
        • Attend every kid's sealing: Horse, Asian Red Fox, Jaguar, Iguana, Lemur, and Quail / Horse's sealing to Squirrel is coming up in April. Asian Red Fox is still several years out.
        • Bike, swim, walk, play, and otherwise be active with my kids and my future grand kids / Swimming is getting easier but is over. Other activities are still under consideration but need to become attempted.
        • Comfortably fit into a pair of pants that can be purchased at Wal-Mart, Shopko, JC Penney’s, etc. / Making slow progress. Still need to work off at least 10" - 12".
        • Wrap my largest belt around me twice to be able to use it. / Need to reach a 37" waist to do this. Progress continues to be accomplished. Currently at 56"; 19" to go. Retire belt in 4 more holes. Gave away belt 1 to 2 holes away from retiring it. This goal is no longer possible. But a greater need is being served.
      • Intermediate Motivation: I am losing weight over the course of the next several months so I can...
        • Stand comfortably during lectures, seminars, etc and not feel extreme pain in my ankles, knees, hips, and arches. / Pain is constantly around and is frequently made worse by exercise.
        • Recover from long day of work in one good night’s sleep / Can't seem to get a good night's sleep right now, so I can't judge this one.
        • Handle stresses better / If you look at my eating habits right now as a measure of handling my stresses, I am not handling my stresses very well at all.
        • Bring down my blood pressure / Current BP readings are most frequently in the pre-hypertensive range. Need to have the occasional Stage 1 reading become non-existent.
        • Be more attractive to MBWM / She loves and adores me. I hope to be able to better myself for our mutual and individual benefit.
      • Short-term Motivation: I am losing weight today so that I can...
        • Take charge of this part of my life today
        • Abstain from compulsive eating behaviors today
        • Be better able to handle the tasks of today
        • Have the warm fuzzies of today's successes available for tomorrow stresses and strains

      Charting





      I need to re-evaluate the transition off of Kimkins. The last two weeks have proven that I am not living up to Kimkins in the least. Do I continue this as a goal? I'm not sure what is going on. This loss of motivation is frustrating and confusing.

      I am not the least bit hopeful that I will pass the 100 pounds hurdle by my March 22nd deadline. I am not entirely sure that I will even continue moving my weight in the right direction. Direction is the bigger concern now than the quantity. I am hoping that by reviewing possible causes of loss of motivation, I will determine either a way to regain motivation or determine a new motivation.


      Looking Forward:
      • Keep the job search going strong and the networking stronger.
      • Look for causes in loss of motivation.
      • GET ON PROGRAM with Weight Watchers, especially keeping the daily points consumed to a daily maximum of 30 PPV.
      • Avoid the temptation of high carb nibbles into my week except for Saturday.
      • Get on track with gym-less exercise.
      • Attend all meetings. Don't schedule things before them. Review calendar every morning. Listen to alarms and reminders and follow through on them.
      • Hold onto the joyful feelings of this day to get me through the the times of lesser success in weight loss, the trudging through job searching, and other complications life is throwing my way.
      IVCUFI:
      IV - I have found the way of keeping my eating small if not smart.
      CU - I have seized the road by keeping myself exploring the conditions of what is going on.
      FI - I am enjoying the journey by writing and writing more.


      Post Number: 148
      Review of Yesterday's Progress
           Daily PPV Used/Left: 37/32 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
           Pedometer Reading: - {Replaced but not set up}
           Meetings Attended: Weight Watchers
           Exercise Completed: None Scheduled
           Page Views to Date: 1979 (Increased by 86 Page Views This Week)

      I started my day in anxious fear and guilty regret. I had eaten even more this week than last week. I was heading off to Weight Watchers certain of a weight gain. This certainty was compounded by the increase by one belt hole. I was especially concerned that it would be more than 2 pound; scared that it would be more than 3 pounds. And what do I discover? Six-tenths of a pound lost.

      If you've been reading this week, you've seen that I spent much of it complaining about a lack of control in my own food selection. At least the quantity of food eaten has been something that kept me on course. Although I am unable to ascertain the cause of the loss of motivation. This needs to be explored, faced, and challenged. And I hope to start that exploration by reviewing my blog. That was one of the major points raised this last week. I need to follow through.

      Yours the knowledge that success can be achieved again and again,

      Eliot

      P.S.: The only failure is to stop trying. (No idea who I should attribute this to but it certainly bears repeating.)


      NOTES
      Weight Watchers, 1 March 2014
      Last Week: Secrets of a Successful Weekend

      What made last week successful?
      • Don't track on the weekend normally. Tracked this week from the get go.
      • Tracked for seven days. Walked stairs at work.
      • Program works when you follow it for seven days
      • Tracking for today
      • Measured fruits, veggies, and meats
      What made last week challenging?
      • Horrible, stressful week. Good in morning. Missed meals. Ate poorly in the evenings. This week - Got back on track. Recommit! Refocus!
      • Use weekend to get ready for the week. Used Sunday to make week's meal plans and quite a few meals.
      This Week: Be A Portion Pro

      What causes portion creep? What makes it challenging to consistently give yourself a single portion of food?
      • Not paying attention
      • Laziness
      • Taste
      • This little bit more won't hurt
      • Container size has more than a single portion
      • Only a little bit left
      • Too hungry
      Look at a cereal serving size as an example. Varies among 1/2 cup, 2/3 cup, 3/4 cup, and 1 cup servings

      eTools shows update of points. Double recipe may not be double points.

      Portion Pro
      • Guesstimate
      • Measure
      • Evaluate
      • Practice
      What can you use to help you portion when measurement tools aren't available? Weight Watchers Portion Estimator. Example use hand for measuring. A 4 ounce bagel is about the same size as your palm plus your fingers to the first joint. That bagel has a 10 PPV.

      Success Tips from members with success awards this week
      • Weigh and measure everything
      • At maintenance, have to pay attention but have developed boring eating habits
      • Pre-measure into plastic-ware and plastic bags. Wal-Mart has a plastic bag in their Great Value brand that includes volume measurements on the bag.
      We learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing to dance or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same.

      Next Week: Make Your Move

      Saturday, March 1, 2014

      Bidding the Y Adieu

      Post Number: 146
      Review of Yesterday's Progress
           Daily PPV Used/Left: 33/36 of 69 (Goal: 30/39)
           Pedometer Reading:  - {Pedometer clip broken}
           Meetings Attended: None Scheduled
           Exercise Completed: At the Y -
                Recumbent Elliptical Machine
                     20 minutes & 2.92 miles @  Level 10
                Swam Laps (12 laps, 600 yards)
           M-W's Word of the DayPlaintiff

      Bitter day yesterday. Last day at the Y. I pushed harder than I have ever pushed. I was amazed at how exhausting upping the level on the elliptical from 8 to 10 was. And then I added in two laps to my swim. They were quite difficult as well. And then I said my good-byes. I will miss the swimming and some of the staff, but not much else. I have yet to try out the DVDs I picked up from the library a week ago. And with Horse and Squirrel here, I doubt I'll get to it today or tomorrow. But there was the added exercise of working on the garage. This added much clutter to my closet that included shirts I have shrunk into and additional shirts to shrink further to be able to fit into. This effort also added much clutter to the area I had worked to clear for my exercise area, between my bed and television. I re-decluttered the exercise area. That was certainly exercise. Fortunately, much of the boxes and items in the garage are now in aisles. Squirrel did most of the work on that front. Which he had to because I could hardly move after my work out.

      Eating started well and continued well for quite some time. But the physical exertion and lack of sleep ganged up on me to make lunch and the snacks later in the afternoon poor choices. The only source of hope is that I ate small portions.

      But today is weigh in at Weight Watchers. Today is the moment of truth. How badly did I leave behind my weight loss in preference for enjoyable but poor food choices.

      We shall see.

      Yours in the hope of only a little damage done,

      Eliot

      P.S.: Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. - Martin Luther King Jr.